Finding a Partner

This page offers comprehensive insights into online kink dating, covering general kink and LGBTQIA+ specific advice. It also provides tailored tips for Dominants, Switches, and Submissives. The content has been compiled from various community member contributions, blog posts, and personal experiences to provide a thorough guide. This page includes advice, safety tips, and personal stories, aiming to help individuals navigate the complexities of finding a partner in kink.

Original Source: ("Frequently Asked Questions - Finding a Partner in Kink," 2023)

Adapted from Comments, Posts, and Writing by: u/JurisprudentMoll, u/LaCroix--Boix, u/eelred, u/auriegvrd, u/HopefulExplanation, u/drpmommy, and others.

Finding a Partner in Kink

Navigating the kink dating scene can be challenging, but with the right knowledge and approach, it is possible to find meaningful connections. This guide provides comprehensive advice on creating effective personal ads, responding to ads, general online dating tips, and specific advice for Dominants, Switches, Submissives, and the LGBTQIA+ community.

Crafting an Effective Personal Ad

Creating a compelling personal ad is crucial for attracting potential partners. Here are key points to consider:

1. Be Authentic: Clearly describe who you are, what you seek, and what you can offer. Honesty is essential.
2. Highlight Interests: Include both kinky and vanilla interests to find common ground with potential matches.
3. Use a Recent Photo: A recent and accurate photo increases your chances of genuine responses.
4. Proofread Your Ad: Ensure your ad is well-written and free of errors to reflect your seriousness and effort.

Initiating Contact: How to Respond to Personal Ads

Approaching someone online requires tact and respect. Follow these guidelines for writing a successful opening message:

• Introduce Yourself: Provide basic information about yourself, such as age, gender, location, and what you're looking for.
• Find Common Ground: Mention shared interests or points from their profile to show genuine interest.
• Maintain Respect and Authenticity: Avoid overly sexual or explicit content in your initial message. Focus on building a connection.
• Personalize Your Message: Tailor each message to the individual to show that you're genuinely interested in them specifically.
• Set Boundaries: If someone jumps into kinky talk too quickly, it's okay to set boundaries and express your comfort level.
• Be Patient and Persistent: Building a meaningful connection takes time. Don't get discouraged by initial setbacks.

General Tips for Online Kink Dating

Here are some general tips to keep in mind while navigating the online kink dating scene:

1. Take It Slow: Building a meaningful connection takes time. Don't rush the process.
2. Respect Their Space: Give people time to respond. Avoid sending multiple follow-up messages.
3. Be Yourself and Enjoy the Process: Dating should be enjoyable. Stay positive and open-minded.

Common Scams and Safety Tips

Online dating in the kink community comes with its own set of risks. It's important to stay vigilant and be aware of common scams.

1. Research Common Scams: Spend time understanding the common scams in the online kink community.
2. Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off, it probably is. Always err on the side of caution.
3. Guard Personal Information: Keep personal details private until trust is established.

Common Scams and Manipulation Techniques

• Be cautious of sudden demands for explicit content.
• Be wary of individuals who frame their requests as a matter of trust and obedience.
• Avoid sending money to individuals requesting financial help for toys or emergencies.

LGBTQIA+ Specific Advice

Navigating the kink dating scene as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community can present unique challenges. Here are some tips and advice specifically for LGBTQIA+ individuals:

Spotting and Avoiding Chasers

Chasers fetishize LGBTQIA+ people without respecting their identities. Be cautious of overly enthusiastic individuals who focus solely on your LGBTQIA+ identity.

Finding LGBTQIA+ Friendly Fetish Spaces

Look for local LGBTQIA+ groups or online communities dedicated to kink. These spaces are more likely to be respectful and supportive of your identity.

Common Dating Red Flags

1. Be cautious of individuals who jump into sexual conversations too quickly.
2. Discreet or down-low behavior could indicate they are hiding something or cheating on a partner.
3. Love bombing, where someone becomes overly serious very quickly, might be a manipulative tactic.

Role-Specific Advice

This section provides tailored advice for individuals based on their roles within the kink community.

Advice for Dominants

1. Clearly articulate what you are looking for in a partner and a dynamic.
2. Establish boundaries early to filter out incompatible matches.
3. Engage with other Dominants for support and advice.

Advice for Switches

• Section Under Development*

Advice for Submissives

Being able to articulate your desires and limits is crucial for finding a compatible partner. This includes describing your ideal dynamic, kinks, and boundaries.

General Advice for Submissives

• Patience is key. Finding the right match takes time.
• Develop a well-rounded personality and engage in self-improvement.

Online Dating Strategy

Maximize your visibility by using various platforms and being active in both online and offline communities. Educate yourself about BDSM, safety, and D/s dynamics.

Common Red Flags and Warning Signs

1. Be cautious of individuals who jump into sexual conversations too quickly.
2. Discreet or down-low behavior could indicate they are hiding something or cheating on a partner.
3. Love bombing, where someone becomes overly serious very quickly, might be a manipulative tactic.

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial for protecting yourself and ensuring healthy dynamics. Establishing consent and limits from the start can prevent misunderstandings and manipulative behavior.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls

• Use a clean and tasteful account for online interactions.
• Think with your head, not your libido.
• Understand that BDSM is not therapy and relationships won’t fix personal issues.
• Be prepared for failures and learn from them.

References and Further Reading

• [The Mammoth Guide on How to Find a Relationship (for Everyone) https://reddit.com/r/femdompersonals/comments/yuvr80/the_mammoth_guide_on_how_to_find_a_relationship/] by u/JurisprudentMoll
• [How to Write an Opening Line? https://web.archive.org/web/20210125230844/https://old.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/comments/l1r4av/how_to_write_an_opening_line/gk17j8s/] by u/LaCroix--Boix
• [Online and Social Media Femdom: Is it a Scam? https://old.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/comments/gkyc3o/online_and_social_media_femdom_is_it_a_scam/] by u/eelred
• [Long Term Dating, Friendships and Vetting for Dominants https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/comments/gyjeub/longterm_dating_friendship_and_vetting_for_dommes/] by u/auriegvrd
• [O Miss Pearl https://www.omisspearl.com]
• [Dale Carnegie's Golden Rules https://medium.com/recmend/golden-rules-from-dale-carnegies-books-bdbdd8079bf0]