Finding a Partner

This page offers comprehensive insights into online kink dating, covering general kink and LGBTQIA+ specific advice. It also provides tailored tips for Dominants, Switches, and Submissives. The content has been compiled from various community member contributions, blog posts, and personal experiences to provide a thorough guide. This page includes advice, safety tips, and personal stories, aiming to help individuals navigate the complexities of finding a partner in kink.

Original Source: ("Frequently Asked Questions - Finding a Partner in Kink," 2023)

Adapted from Comments, Posts, and Writing by: u/LaCroix--Boix, u/eelred, u/auriegvrd, u/HopefulExplanation, u/drpmommy, and others.

Online Dating, But Kinky

Finding a partner in the kink community can be challenging, but with the right approach and understanding, it is possible to make meaningful connections. This section covers how to write successful personal ads, respond to personals, and general tips for initiating contact online.

How to Write a Successful Personal Ad

Creating a compelling personal ad is the first step to attracting potential partners. Here are some tips for crafting a successful ad:

1. Be Honest and Clear: Clearly state who you are, what you are looking for, and what you can offer. Authenticity is key.
2. Highlight Your Interests: Mention your interests, both kinky and vanilla. This helps to find common ground with potential partners.
3. Use a Recent Photo: A recent and accurate photo can significantly increase your chances of receiving genuine responses.
4. Proofread: Ensure your ad is well-written and free of errors. A well-crafted ad reflects your effort and seriousness.

Responding to Personals

How Anyone Can Write an Opening Line

Approaching someone online can be intimidating, especially in the kink community. Whether you're using short form apps, dating sites, or personal ads, it's important to approach others with respect and authenticity. Here are some detailed guidelines to help you write a successful opening line and make a good first impression:

• Purpose: Approaching someone on the internet can be daunting. It's a skill that requires education and practice to be effective. A thoughtful and strategic approach can help you make a positive and lasting impression.

• Introduce Yourself: Clearly state who you are, including your age, gender, location, and what you're looking for. Be concise but informative. For example:

Hi CrazyPlantLady84!

I saw your ad on r/FemdomPlantPersonals and was intrigued by your love for orchids. I'm MonsterasRmyMistress97, a 30-year-old man from Enamored Town, currently working as an accountant. I share your interest in gardening and also have a passion for Shibari. Your idea of combining service-submission with gardening sounds fascinating! Looking forward to hearing from you!

Best,

MonsterasRmyMistress97

• Establish Common Ground: Mention shared interests or points from their profile that caught your eye. This shows you have taken the time to read their profile and are genuinely interested. It's also a great way to start building a connection. However, remember that finding commonality is good, but if you treat sex academically you'll get a lot farther. I'll always add to a kinky conversation, but I won't initiate that conversation during the courting phase. For example:

Your paragraph on MMF being one of your biggest fantasies hits close to home. It's one of my favorites too!

• Be Respectful and Genuine: Avoid overly sexual or explicit content in your initial message. Focus on building a connection and showing genuine interest in the other person's thoughts and experiences. Compliments should be sincere and appropriate. For example:

I noticed you mentioned you love hiking in the mountains. I find that incredibly refreshing too! There's something about the fresh air and the challenge that makes it so rewarding. What's your favorite trail?

• Avoid Copy-Paste Messages: Personalized messages show effort and increase your chances of a positive response. Tailor each message to the individual you're contacting to show that you're genuinely interested in them specifically.

• Set Boundaries and Consent: Setting boundaries early on is crucial. If someone quickly jumps into kinky talk, it might be a red flag. It's perfectly okay to say, "I would love to talk about that topic in the future, but I don't feel super comfortable considering we just met." Setting boundaries can be a huge turn on and a stress-reliever for many.

• Read Their Advertisement and Profile Thoroughly: Make sure to read their ad and profile carefully. This helps you understand their interests and what they're looking for, and shows respect for their preferences.

• Respect Boundaries: Avoid diving into sexual content until there is mutual consent. It's important to build a foundation of trust and respect first.

• Be Patient and Persistent: Finding the right partner takes time. Don't get discouraged by initial setbacks. Keep trying and refining your approach based on feedback and experiences.

• Leave Off with a Question: End your message with a question to keep the conversation going and put the ball in their court. This shows that you're interested in continuing the dialogue and getting to know them better. For example:

I've been experimenting with new recipes lately. Do you have a favorite dish you love to cook or eat?

• Show Appreciation and Interest: Compliment them on something specific that caught your eye in their profile. Show genuine interest in their experiences and thoughts.

• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Ask questions that encourage them to share more about themselves. Open-ended questions promote a deeper conversation and help you understand each other better. For example:

I saw that you're a fan of vintage fashion. What's your favorite era and why?

By following these guidelines, you can craft thoughtful and engaging opening lines that make a positive impression. Remember, the goal is to build a genuine connection based on mutual respect and interest

General Tips for Online Dating

1. Take It Slow and Steady: Building a meaningful connection takes time. Don't rush the process. Enjoy getting to know the other person and let the relationship develop naturally.
2. Respect Their Time and Space: If they don't respond immediately, give them space and time. Avoid sending multiple follow-up messages. If they're interested, they'll get back to you.
3. Be Yourself and Have Fun: Most importantly, be yourself and have fun with the process. Dating should be an enjoyable experience. Stay positive and open-minded.

If you follow these steps and keep refining your approach, you'll increase your chances of finding a meaningful and fulfilling connection in the kink community.

Common Scams and Safety Tips

Online dating in the kink community comes with its own set of risks. It's important to stay vigilant and be aware of common scams.

General Safety Guidelines

1. Research Common Scams: Spend time understanding the common scams in the online kink community.
2. Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off, it probably is. Always err on the side of caution.
3. Guard Your Personal Information: Until trust is established, keep personal details private.

Common Scams and Manipulation Techniques

• It’s common for scammers to get the sub desperately horny before the manipulation begins. Be wary of sudden demands for explicit content.
• Scammers may frame their requests as a matter of trust and obedience. Be cautious of anyone who makes you feel guilty for setting boundaries.
• Requests for money to buy toys or cover emergencies are often scams. Trust your instincts and do not send money.

LGBTQIA+ Specific Advice

Navigating the kink dating scene as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community can present unique challenges. Here are some tips and advice specifically for LGBTQIA+ individuals:

Spotting and Avoiding Chasers

Chasers are individuals who fetishize LGBTQIA+ people without respecting their identities. Be cautious of overly enthusiastic individuals who focus solely on your LGBTQIA+ identity rather than seeing you as a whole person.

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Finding LGBTQIA+ Friendly Fetish Spaces

Look for local LGBTQIA+ groups or online communities dedicated to kink. These spaces are more likely to be respectful and supportive of your identity.

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Common Dating Red Flags

1. Immediate Sexual Content: Be cautious of individuals who jump into sexual conversations too quickly.
2. Discreet or Down-Low Behavior: This could indicate they are hiding something or cheating on a partner.
3. Love Bombing: If someone becomes overly serious very quickly, it might be a manipulative tactic.

Advice for Dominants, Switches, and Submissives

This section provides tailored advice for individuals based on their roles within the kink community.

Advice for Dominants

1. Be Clear About Your Desires: Clearly articulate what you are looking for in a partner and a dynamic.
2. Set Boundaries Early: Establishing boundaries from the start helps to filter out incompatible matches.
3. Seek Community Support: Engage with other Dominants to get support and advice. Community connections can also help with vetting potential partners.

Advice for Switches

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Advice for Submissives

Know What You Want and Be Able to Describe It

Being able to articulate your desires and limits is crucial for finding a compatible partner. This includes describing your ideal dynamic, kinks, and boundaries.

General Advice

• Patience is key. Human relationships are unpredictable, and it takes time to find the right match.
• Be a person first, then be submissive. Engage in self-improvement and develop a well-rounded personality.

What’s Your Online Dating Strategy?

Maximize your visibility by using various platforms and being active in both online and offline communities. Be educated about BDSM, safety, and D/s dynamics.

Common Red Flags and Warning Signs

1. Immediate Sexual Content: Be cautious of individuals who jump into sexual conversations too quickly.
2. Discreet or Down-Low Behavior: This could indicate they are hiding something or cheating on a partner.
3. Love Bombing: If someone becomes overly serious very quickly, it might be a manipulative tactic.

Men, You Too Can Set Boundaries and Should Do So!

Setting boundaries is crucial for protecting yourself and ensuring healthy dynamics. Establishing consent and limits from the start can prevent misunderstandings and manipulative behavior.

Common Sense Pitfall Avoidance

• Use a clean and tasteful account for online interactions.
• Think with your head, not your dickhead.
• Understand that BDSM is not therapy and relationships won’t fix personal issues.
• Be prepared for failures and learn from them.

How-To Guides

A Short Sub’s Guide to Femdom and Sugar (Arrangements)

Exploring sugar relationships in the context of femdom can be rewarding but requires a careful approach. Understanding the norms and maintaining clear boundaries are essential.

1. Learn About Sugar Relationships: Sugar relationships involve an exchange where one partner (usually the submissive) provides financial support, gifts, or other resources in exchange for companionship and potentially a femdom dynamic. It's important to educate yourself about the norms and expectations in sugar relationships.
2. Establish Clear Boundaries: Before entering into a sugar relationship, clearly communicate your boundaries and expectations with your partner. Ensure both parties understand and respect each other's limits.
3. Maintain Transparency and Honesty: Openness is crucial in any relationship, especially in a sugar arrangement. Be honest about your intentions, financial capabilities, and what you seek from the relationship.
4. Protect Your Personal Information: In the initial stages of the relationship, be cautious about sharing sensitive personal information. Use secure communication channels and take steps to verify the identity of your potential partner.
5. Regularly Review the Arrangement: As the relationship progresses, regularly check in with your partner to ensure that both parties are satisfied with the arrangement. Make adjustments as needed to maintain a healthy and fulfilling dynamic.
6. Seek Support and Advice: Engage with online communities or local groups focused on sugar relationships and femdom. These can provide valuable advice, support, and resources to help you navigate the complexities of these arrangements.

References and Further Reading

• Frequently Asked Questions - Finding a Partner in Kink by r/FemdomCommunity Moderation Team
• How to Write an Opening Line? by LaCroix--Boix
• Online and Social Media Femdom: Is it a Scam? by eelred
• Long Term Dating, Friendships and Vetting for Dominants by auriegvrd
• O Miss Pearl
• Dale Carnegie's Golden Rules